Before the topic starts, i just want to simply talk about my feeling towards the subject. I have been in a relationship for a month when the new semester begins , honestly i think i was confused by one question that always comes to my mind: dose he love me? As a result, i was really looking forward to the subject and kinda hoping that the ‘Love Stream’ would help me figure out the deeper understanding of love, or even change some naive attitudes from me, let me learn how to keep independent and overcome the insecurity in my own relationship.
First of all, ‘Love’ is such a broad term to discuss, there is one fact can be sure that love is defined by human. More specifically, love as an action depending on different situation. As long as people are changing their minds once they have experienced something, they might not notice that love always exist and it is necessary to every human-being. It just reminds me of one of my childhood friend while we were talking about criminals on the newspaper, she said ‘there are no bad people in the world because everyone has someone living inside of the heart like mum and dad. If he doesn’t have, there just must be something else then. ‘ The moment we were only 8 years old. Being reflected over those ‘childish’ ideas, it can prove that love does change over times. The older we get, the more complex we have to accept. When we were young, being told that love forgives all wrongs. However it just doesn’t work and we are not living in fairytales anymore.
I feel like my recent mood can be described by the following quote by Haruki Murakami in his novel <Kafka On the Shore>:
‘Any one who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. So anyone who’s in love gets sad when they think of their lover. It’ like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven’t seen in a long time. It’s just a natural feeling. You’re not the person who discovered that feeling, so don’t try to patent it, okay?’ (Murakami, 2002)
I am just being straight forward to say i am not a very positive person and seriously susceptible to emotion. It never happened to me before but nowadays i started to think about the equality in love. For example, as mentioned in the quotes, searching for the missing pieces of myself is likely expecting my lover could offer something to me that i don’t have, imagining the interpersonal requires would be fulfilled. In response, the truth is very sad if there is no such thing as equal feelings. Research has showed that relationship would determine if high expectations were a relationship’s savior or its undoing. In this society, people all have different standards according to the changing of times so that higher psychological needs were pursued. In particular, most of couples now expect the relationships will also fulfill with esteem needs such as self-expression (Seidman, 2016).
I hope that people could release themselves to ask for a all-purpose relationship in the future, start to consider about no-purpose relationships in shiftable standards, which can be concluded as ‘Non-comprehensive relationship’. Same suggestion for myself in order not to overthinking. ‘ We might feel sad to consider the possibility that no one person will ever completely understand us, especially if we are complex persons’(Park, 2014)
Murakami, H. 2002, Kafka on the shore, Shinchosa Publishing Co, Tokyo.
Seidman, G. 2016, Should You Expect More From Your Relationship, or Less, viewed 1/9/16, <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/close-encounters/201605/should-you-expect-more-your-relationship-or-less>
Park, J. 2014, LOVING WITHOUT EXPECTATIONS: NON-COMPREHENSIVE RELATIONSHIPS, viewed 27/8/16, <http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/CY-EXPECT.html>